Support System of One

(Disclaimer- I proofread this post a dozen times and used Grammarly to help. If you see any mistakes, forgive me I’m only human. And I am not perfect. Thanks for reading!)
Someone I know has been dealing with a recent traumatic event in their life.  This person has been in therapy to seek help on how to deal with what happened.  And they also told me that they have been talking to friends for support as well.  Even though they have reached out to different people, they told me that they don’t feel fully supported. The therapist told them that she didn’t think they would ever be able to have a relationship again because of what happened.  And slowly, one by one, the friends have sort of drifted off in reaching out.  Let’s start with the therapist……If you ever have a licensed therapist tell you some negative bullshit as above:  GET A NEW THERAPIST.  As for the friends…..Sometimes that happens.  People go on with their day to day lives and forget to reach out.  That or they are busy dealing with drama in their own lives.  To put it simply, those around you may not always be there for you.

That’s when you have to learn to be your own support system.  Now, this is by no stretch of the measure an easy feat. It took me years to learn this lesson for myself.  Yes, I had a few family members and friends who were there to lend a helping hand.  And other times to give words of encouragement or a listening ear.  But when they weren’t readily available, I had to learn to be there and do those things for myself.  I grew up in a single parent home with a parent that was really never emotionally available.  I was super close with my grandma growing up, so there was someone giving me that emotional love and support I needed.  And that was fine for the time.  But as I grew up (and started seeing examples of my friend’s relationship with their parents) I realized that wasn’t enough.  I wanted, needed and craved that sort of attention from just one person.  And they just couldn’t (or wouldn’t) give me that.  So what was I left to do?

I learned that if I was going to make it in this life, not only did I have to learn to trust others in their support, but I had to be MY BIGGEST SUPPORT SYSTEM.  What that meant for me was if I wanted to do or try something, I had to learn to talk myself up.  If I was feeling down about something in my life, I had to find a way to work through it.  I started writing.  I have kept a diary (I call it a journal now that I’m adult, Lol) since the age of about 14.  In there, I can be whoever I want. I can say whatever I want about whatever I wanted.  It’s a judgment-free zone.  It’s a place for my eyes, emotions, thoughts, and opinions only.  It’s a place where I can work out my issues in a healthy way.  It’s also the place where I can let go of negative energy and replace with more positive energy.  When I feel like someone is putting me down (like my parent used to do a lot) I would write in the journal how I felt about that.  And I would write how what they said was completely wrong and inaccurate.  Doing this over time allowed me to build my self-confidence and support muscles.  I learned to stand on my own two feet because I wouldn’t always have someone there to hold my hand.  I found my inner strength and more importantly my inner peace.  If that meant that I didn’t talk to certain people anymore, then so be it.  If that meant that I had to spend more time alone to work through my own shit, then so be it.  If that meant that I would limit the number of interactions with my parent, then so be it.  And let me tell you the last one is a doozy when you live in the same house, but it can be done.

Becoming your biggest support system won’t happen overnight.  It takes a bit of time and that time varies from person to person.  Step by step, little by little.  You just have to figure out how that would work best for you.  Even though I’ve learned to become my biggest support system, it’s still a practice I work on daily.  Some days I still struggle and may need to lean on those around me who care.  And other times they are not around, so I have to lift myself up.  Sometimes you may not have access to a support system, so learning to be your own is even more important.  If you find others that give you the support you need, that’s great! But let them be your back up.  You have to be your own cheerleader, shoulder to cry on, positive person, and most importantly your own best friend.  Because no one is going to look out for you and love you as much as you would do for yourself.

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Starting over….AGAIN

I hate starting over again, I really do.  And since I know that I do, one would think I would do everything I could possibly not to have too ever again.  But alas I find myself in the same position that I have many, many times before.  Oh you know the things we tell ourselves:

“I’m starting that diet Monday”

“I’m hitting the gym five days a week”

“I will post on my blog twice (or in my case, once) a week”

“I will no longer waste my time with…..” (Fill in the blank as you wish)

And the ever so popular:  “I’m starting next week.”

I’ve said all of the above (and then some) and at first, I did a pretty good job of sticking to the new goal.  Until life decided to throw me a curve ball or my old bad habits showed their ugly faces yet again.  Either way, I’m back to square one.  And I’m sure I’m not alone in saying:  I HATE BEING BACK AT SQUARE ONE.

Honestly, I felt like a bit of a loser, who may never get it together.  And like all the things I said I wanted to do and still do want to do are completely pointless.  Why bother trying again, right?

BACK AT SQUARE ONE.

By the summer of 2018, I had lost 28 pounds and was feeling pretty good.  Then somewhere around mid-summer, I noticed that my mood had significantly changed.  I would go to work (which at the time was a job that I loathed) and come home.  I stopped working out and eating healthy foods.  I stopped hanging out with friends and avoided most social events.  Mentally and physically I had zero energy for anything.  Even writing for me (blog, journaling, creative writing) had just slowed to a stop.  It was as if my life was stuck in the middle of the street without gas to move.  I had hit the proverbial wall of sorts.  This only got worse as summer became fall.  I found out in early September that I was going to have to have surgery.  That information subsequently sent me into an even bigger depressive and anxiety-ridden tailspin.  So much so, that by October I didn’t want to be here anymore.  I didn’t attempt to hurt myself in any way.  But if I had gotten in an accident and didn’t survive, at that moment I would have been ok with that.  This is when I knew I had to get some help. After a not so successful first effort in finding a therapist, I finally found a facility that I liked.  That wasn’t an overnight solution by any stretch of the measure.  But I was able to speak to someone about how I was feeling and what I was going through during that time.  I had someone to talk to about my fear of the upcoming surgery that I would later have in December.  And it provided me a safe place to speak on things that I never knew that I needed too.  It really helped me to learn more about myself as a person.  I learned (and still am) why I do the things I do and think the way I think.  And that has helped me to come full circle.

BACK AT SQUARE ONE.   

Realistically, this is not exactly the place where I want to be. I wanted to be way further along in my life’s journey that I am now.  But I’m learning that it is a place where I need to be.  I had to come full circle, back to square one, in order to learn the lessons that needed to be learned.  My mind, spirit, and creativity have grown tremendously as a direct result of starting over.  I’m going toward my goals in a newer, clearly state of mind.  Now that’s not to say that my depression and anxiety have disappeared completely.  I’m human so that may never happen fully; they may be with me forever.  I had to learn that depression and anxiety are not who I am.

I can say that being forced to go back to square one showed me that if I can survive the last 9 months, then I can survive anything.  Depression and anxiety be dammed.  So if you find yourself in a similar situation for whatever reason, just know that you may have to go back to square one.  And that doesn’t mean that you’re down for the count.  It just means that you need to take a break from what you’re doing.  Refuel your energy in a way that works for you.  And start again.  There’s no shame in having to go back to square one.  Believe me, I know.

Dear “Scared White People,”

(Disclaimer- I proofread this post a dozen times and used an online site to help. If you see any mistakes, I’m only human. And I am not perfect. Thanks for reading!)

Dear “Scared White People”,

Hi. My name is Nyikia and I am a concerned black woman.  I’m writing this letter to you because I’m growing quite concerned (and getting pissed off) by your recent behavior toward black people.  I have listed a few examples:

1.) Calling the cops when black people are waiting for our friends in the local Starbucks. (Happened in Philadelphia.)
2.) Calling the cops when black people gather peacefully in the park to have a BBQ with friends and family. (Google BBQ Becky.)
3.) Calling the cops when black people are going to view a house that is for sale. Even though the person is a real estate agent, and had been authorized to do so.
4.) Calling the cops when black people check out of an Airbnb (with their luggage in full view) because you thought they might be burglars.
5.) Calling the police on a 9-year old that was just buying something at the local corner store because you think they “grabbed your butt.” (Google Corner store Caroline)
6.) Calling the police because a black father was cheering his son on during his soccer game. (Google Golf cart Gail)

I’ll stop here because the list goes on and on with your less than stellar behavior.  If you notice from the list, there is a consistent pattern.  That pattern is the calling of the police on people who don’t look like you.  Why is that?  I could understand if they were doing something that was suspicious.  But clearly, in the instances listed above, they were not. The suspicion you had was based merely on the color of their skin.  And also, the prejudices you have acquired over the years.  Now I understand that your prejudices could stem from a learned behavior passed down from generation to generation.  And some have come from outside sources:  literature, television, hearsay and most notorious the media.  I’m really trying to work with you “scared white people,” I really am.  But at a certain point in life, you have to take inventory of yourself.  Not everything you see and hear about people is true.  Even the cheeto in chief (aka our current realty star president) knows this.  Hence the term his administration loves to overuse, “fake news.” Although in his case most of what we hear about him turns out to be absolutely true.  But that’s a post for another day.

Let’s get back to the task at hand.  I understand having a little concern for the unknown. Dark places, stray animals, emails from strange addresses and yes our fellow humans.  I grew up in the 80’s with McGruff the Crime Dog, so I learned all about stranger danger. But the one thing McGruff never taught us was to be afraid of someone based solely on their skin color.  If you asked the average child today to describe someone that frightens them, I’m pretty sure a stranger’s skin color wouldn’t come up.  Unless of course, they were taught that type of racial bias in the home.  So why is it children are wiser in this regard than most adults?  I work with children for a living, and I notice that they have a tendency of seeing people for exactly who they are.  Race not included.  When they judge you, they judge you on your merits.  Race not included.  When they are leery of someone, it is because of the vibe they get from the person.  RACE NOT INCLUDED.  Children are usually both open and eager to get to know someone who is different than themselves. They ask questions without assuming they know the answer.  Children just see a person much like themselves with zero prejudgments.

So why haven’t adults learned to do this already?  For people who are older and intellectually smarter, we sure lack the intelligence of the average child.  I’m going to take this time to let you in on something you should have already figured out:  NOT ALL BLACK PEOPLE ARE BAD PEOPLE.  That is shocking right?  I know the truth can be most times.  But I feel you really need to know and understand that fact.  Let me be clear here, there are bad people in every race, gender, and country.  Being a bad person is not relegated to a racial thing.  It’s a personality and behavioral thing.  If I went around thinking certain things about certain races, then my belief right now would be that all white people are racist.  And clearly, that is not the case.

I have a suggestion on how to help you “scared white people” in working through your prejudices.  Provided you actually want to get rid of your judgmental nature and possibly make a few new friends.  BE OPEN.  Get to know more about the black people that you encounter in your everyday life.  That sounds like a lofty task, but it can be made easy. You can simply start by saying, “Hello.”  Easy enough right?  Have a real genuine conversation with that co-worker that you see all the time.  Get to know them on a level that’s based on common ground, common interest and a humane level.  You’ll be surprised at how much you’ll have in common with the average black person.  Everyone has that one family member that they don’t like in their family.  You avoid them at all costs at family functions until another relative asked you if you said hi to them.  You can easily bond over that.  Or how you love your kids to death, but could sometimes punt them like a football when they get on your nerves.  You can’t always judge a book by its cover.  You have to pick it up, read the description on the back or inside cover in order to learn what it’s about.  And the same goes for people.  All I’m saying is get to know someone who’s different than you before you judge them.  And for the love of God:  STOP CALLING THE POLICE.

With all love and sincerity,

Nyikia

 

How Are You Running Your Race?

(Disclaimer- I proofread this thing a dozen times and used an online site to help. If you see any mistakes, oh well, I’m only human. Thanks for reading!)
A little over a month ago I was listening to one of my favorite podcast called, “The Read” hosted by Kid Fury and Crissle.  The episode is called, “Cheerleading” and in it, Crissle talks about her history of depression and negative self-talk.  She said something that her therapist told her that made her take a serious look at how she speaks to herself.  And after hearing it, it also made me take a look at how I speak to myself?  Her therapist said to her, “Picture life like a race. And one person is beaten along the path.  Like someone is whipping at their back. Chastising them and telling them all the ways that they suck.  And they’re moving forward trying to be motivated by the negativity.  And the other person has cheerleaders in the distance who are rooting for them and encouraging them to keep going.  And when they fall saying, ‘That’s fine.  You know we all stumble sometimes.  Just get back up, dust your knees off and keep going at it.’  And you can choose how you’re going to talk to yourself through life.  Are you going to beat yourself through it?  Or are you going to cheerlead yourself through it?”  Crissle said as soon as her therapist told her that, she began to change the way that she spoke to herself.

I know for an absolute fact that most times I am not kind to myself.  My words can be harsh, rude, mean and downright disrespectful.  Sometimes so that the things that I say to myself I wouldn’t dare allow anyone to say to me.  So why is it ok that I say those things to myself?  Ideally, I know that it’s not.  But that doesn’t stop me from constantly doing it.  At one point the negative self-talk was loud and often, it became the only self-language I knew.  I have come a long way from the constant beating myself up.  But I still have a tendency of whipping my own back instead of rooting myself on in this race called life.  My problem is I’m often living the past or worried about the future.  Neither of which is mentally healthy for me to do.  One reason is that I can’t seem to forgive or forget my past mistakes.  The second reason is that I’m not presently where I want to be in life, and I worry I’ll never get there.

My negative self-talk appears to come from my own vision of lack and comparison.  Since I don’t have the things that I want, all I see is lack.  Here’s how it usually goes:  “I’m not currently working as a full-time writer because I lack the skills needed in order to achieve that.  I’m single because I lack the beauty it takes to draw someone’s interests.  I’ll never move ahead in life because I made that awful decision five years ago.”  You get the idea.  The comparison comes from looking at what everyone else is doing instead of looking directly at my own path.  I’m watching how everyone else is performing in their race of life and that slows me down.  I get slowed down because I think I should be where they are in life.  Often times I forget the fact that everyone runs at their own pace. So where does the negative self-talk, my vision of lack and compassion get me?  The short answer is:  NOWHERE.  And who the hell wants to stay there?

After hearing Crissle give the race example that her therapist gave her, it really made me want to change my internal dialogue.  I want to cheer myself on the way I would cheer for others.  I’m a fantastic cheerleader for everyone else.  Why shouldn’t I do the same for myself?  Learning to not beat myself up will surely be an everyday struggle.  This isn’t something that will suddenly stop overnight.  I will probably have to work hard each and every day to see the good in myself.  I can do this by learning to ignore those things I don’t see as being “good enough.”  For every discouraging thought that comes across my mind, I will quickly follow it up with something I love about myself.  I will keep my eyes on my own journey and pace, and not worry so much about what others are doing.  And not comparing my speed to theirs.  Knowing that comparison only serves to injure me in my own race.  Daily, I will think of a least three things I like about myself or that I’m good at.  This will serve as the encouragement that I need to hit the finish line. I want to run a strong race, with all the strength that I can muster.  I must learn to not be my biggest adversary.  And become my biggest supporter, encourager and overall best friend.  Because after all I am the one running this race, and this race I fully intend to win.

High-Functioning Depression: It’s Real

We all know (or should know by now) to never self-diagnose using the web.  What you initially think is just a common cold, will later have you thinking you’ve got Ebola in your left lung.  Despite this knowledge, I went ahead and hit up google anyway because I was sure I could figure out what my issues were.  Or at the very least get pointed in the right direction.  And it helped me figure out what I kind of already knew.  I was depressed.  Or more specifically, I have high functional depression.  According to Talkspace.com, “High-functioning depression is a form of the (depression) illness that is not intense enough to noticeably affect the ability to perform daily responsibilities such as work and home duties.  High functioning depression can carry some of the same symptoms as any other form of the disorder.”  Some of the symptoms the site listed were: Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood, Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism, irritability, feelings of guilt, worthlessness or helplessness, loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies or activities, restlessness, appetite and weight changes, thoughts of death or suicide, aches or pains, digestive problems with a clear physical cause, relentless self-criticism, doubt, worry over the past and future and getting upset by small issues.  After reading the article I had to face the fact that I currently have a few of these symptoms.

I didn’t want to claim depression.  I mean who does?  But seeing as though I’ve had depression before, I know what it feels like.  This time though it felt different for me.  I was able to get out of bed and handle necessary daily activities.  But once the work day was done, I would shut down.  I didn’t feel like doing anything.  I didn’t want to talk to anyone or go anywhere.  I just wanted to be left alone, lay around and watch television. My sleep habits were all over the place.  Some days all I wanted to do was sleep (basically taking naps) and on other days I couldn’t sleep at all.  I begin to know something was different when I stopped doing the things that made me feel more positive and good.  I stopped reading self-help books (and books in general), meditating, working out, interacting with people and watching positive YouTube channels I’m subscribed too.  This change wasn’t overnight, it was a gradual change.  Maybe that’s why it took me so long to identify.  I had a temporary job during the summer that was physically and mentally draining on me.  So when I wasn’t there, I had no energy to do anything.  Since I had less energy that meant that I didn’t want to go anywhere on my days off.  Since I didn’t want to claim depression (let alone even say it) I just thought I was tired from the job I didn’t like.  I blamed outside things instead of looking inside at what the issue could be.  And the issue was me.

Once I really gave how I was feeling some serious thought, I had to realize that I was depressed.  Saying that I was depressed goes against everything you learn when studying the law of attraction.  According to the law of attraction, you should only think and speak positivity into your life.  Because if you think and speak negative, the universe will give you more things to be negative about.  My thinking was, “If I actually say I’m depressed, then I’ll bring more things into my life that will make me depressed.”  And that could very well be true.  I came to understand that the way I was feeling didn’t go against the law of attraction.  Just like the law of attraction has become a part of who I am, unfortunately, feelings of sadness from time to time are too.  At some point, the way I feel has to hold just as much weight as my efforts to live my life according to the law of attraction.  So how do I work through this to get back to a more positive, happier me?

The first thing I did was to accept that I was depressed.  Step one completed, check.  I had to leave all the stigma I felt about having to admit to depression behind.  My next step was to find a professional to sit and talk with.  That may take more time seeing as though health insurances are usually full of shit when you actually need to use it.  But that’s a post for another day.  But I’m hopeful that they will help me financially.  Until I’m able to see a professional, I decided to work on the following:

1.) Start reading again.  Even if it’s only 15 minutes a day to start.  I do enjoy reading and the type of books I read usually do help me to be more positive and hopeful.
2.) Do some physical activity. I actually enjoy lifting weights, so I’ll start again with three days a week.  Over time, hopefully, I can build from there.
3.) Journal more.  In the past, journaling has seemed to help me work through problems. And it also helps to clear my mind of worries I may have.  That, in turn, helps me fall asleep easier and sleep better.
4.) Mediating. You would think this one would be a no-brainer for me, but it isn’t.  I’ll start with just 10 minutes and build up from there.  Again I do this before bed so that I can relax and fall asleep.  I’m going to try to implement mediation into different parts of my day as well.

As I continue the healing process, I will work to not beat myself up for how or even why I may have feelings of sadness from time to time.  I know that I’m not a lost cause.  I am human with emotions that go up and down.  But as long as I don’t stay down for long, I’ll be ok.  Deep down I know that too shall pass.

I Chose Me…..

Recently I was seeing someone that I had grown very fond of.  We seem to hit it off really well from the beginning.  At least from my perspective, we did.  I really, really liked this person a lot.  They were funny, passionate about pursuing their career, driven, kind and positive.  I really enjoyed spending time with them and couldn’t wait to receive a call or text from them.  That…..was in the beginning.  Toward the end of our “situation”, I use the word situation because this person was uncomfortable with the word relationship. That should have been a red flag for me right there, but I digress.  Toward the end, this person’s whole demeanor begin to change from the person that I met in the beginning.  I believe I met their representative and not the real, honest them.  They became more down on a daily basis when I would speak to them.  There were things going on in this person’s life that I knew about and I’m sure a lot that I didn’t.  But I would always try my best to let them know that I was there to listen if they needed an ear.  With their mood becoming more and more down, this made them more irritable.  And I became the lucky recipient of this.  The conversations (and face to face interactions) would usually start off good.  Then seemly out of nowhere, their tone would change because of something I said. And at times, something I DID’T say.  Figure that one out because I never could.  They couldn’t always explain to me what I did (or didn’t do) that would piss them off.  This person did acknowledge the fact that they knew they were the problem.  They told me numerous times that they believed they had a problem communicating with others.  And that I wasn’t my fault. I was a good person.  Here’s where my confusion lies.  In one breath they say that they are the problem and in the next, they are yelling at me that I’m pissed them off again.  Huh?

Have you ever had someone in your life like this?  Unfortunately, this wasn’t my first encounter with someone like this.  That’s why it was so easy for me to recognize this behavior so quickly.  But despite that, I didn’t want to stop seeing this person.  I genuinely like them and I knew (and still know) that they are a genuinely good person.  I began to care about their well-being, their day and them as a whole.  I tried to let them know that I was there to listen to them whenever they needed to talk.  There were romantic feelings for this person, but above all that I was trying to be their friend.  But despite all of that of my efforts, I was still the bad guy.  Still the problem.  This person told me that they felt I wasn’t listening to them.  That’s all I ever did, but they couldn’t see that.  This “situation” ended with both parties yelling at one another.  And with me saying something out of sheer frustration that took me out of my character.  I was quite saddened that this “situation” ended because as I said I had grown really fond of them. But more importantly, I was upset with myself for allowing this person to pull me down to a negative level.  I work too hard on a daily basis to stay positive and see the light.  In hindsight, maybe this should have ended way before it did.  But I gave it time because this was very new and we were still getting to know each other.  And I stated before, I liked them.

When you care about a person, you’re willing to put up with a lot of shit in the hopes that they will change.  You hope that things will change for the better.  And that the person will realize how much you care about them and how their words hurt.  At some point, one has to ask themselves a serious question.  Do I like the way this person treats me more than I like myself?  For me the answer was simple:  HELL NO.  It got to a point with this person (and others I found myself in a similar situation with) that I had to make a choice.  Continue this “situation” that sometimes leaves me drained and feeling bad or bounce?  I chose the latter.  Instead of focusing on the good times, I had to focus on the bad ones.  The reasons that it couldn’t work out the way I wanted.  Their yelling, my hurt feelings, the miscommunications.  The time they called me a jerk for making what I thought was a cute comment.  And their constant pulling me close then pushing me away.  Those things outweighed the good and the strong feelings that I had developed for this person.  So despite my not really wanting it to, it had to end.  I will say that meeting this person wasn’t all bad for me.  They helped me to learn more about myself.  I learned more about my likes and dislikes, what I’ll put up with, what kind of relationship I want to have and how I’ve become a more positive person.  So for those reasons, I can say I am grateful.

If you find yourself in a similar situation with someone (friend, family member or spouse), remember that they don’t have the right to make you feel that their mood is your problem.  It’s a personal problem that they themselves need to work through.  If you know that whatever is going on with them has zero to do with you, do your best not to take their behavior personally.  Don’t allow yourself to be a person’s emotional punching bag.  Now I understand in some circumstances it isn’t always so easy to walk away. In those instances, have a conversation with the person.  Communication is key.  Be clear about what you want, how you feel and why.  This process will take some time. Especially if the person in question isn’t good at letting you know exactly how and why they feel the way they do.  Listen and let them know that you are listening.  Let them know that you do see them.  Most times people just want to feel that they are being heard and that someone cares.  In my case, I was listening and I cared, but I didn’t feel the same from them.  But if it gets to the point where talking it out and giving it time changes nothing…..Bounce.  Choose your happiness.  Choose your positivity.  Choose your well-being.  And most importantly, choose yourself.

ESP: Energy Sucking People

Have you ever been around someone that as soon as they appear, a large portion of your energy is drained?  I have.  And to be honest, I have been that person.  But here’s the thing:  I didn’t realize that I was doing it.  I think most ESP’s (Energy Sucking People) never realize that’s what they are doing.  As a former ESP, I can say I never knew it.  I thought I was doing one of the following instead.  I believed I was keeping it real (aka being honest) or looking for advice with my venting.  Turns out the “keeping it real” wasn’t always so good.  When I thought I was being “helpful”, I was actually being hurtful.  And the “looking for advice with my venting” was actually just whining.  I just wanted to talk about all the bad in my life because I was looking for sympathy and agreement.  And the minute I felt like you didn’t agree with me, the conversation was over in my mind.  ESP’s often times just want to know that you are feeling the same way that they are.  The last thing a ESP wants to hear is that life is going well for you.  As I stated earlier, I don’t believe that this behavior is intentionally done by all of them.  But there is a small portion of them that like to know that they are not alone in their misery.

For me, it wasn’t that I wanted everyone to be unhappy or down because I was.  But I did take some solace in knowing that I wasn’t the only one whose life wasn’t going as planned.  The other kind of ESP is the one who doesn’t know that they drain the life out of any situation with their presence.  They have been an ESP so long that it just second nature for them.  It has become ingrained in who they are.  (Raises hand slowly)  When I was an ESP, I couldn’t identify that my lack of positive energy was draining those around me.  That by my talking (aka constant complaining) about my circumstances, I was zapping away their energy.  I didn’t know that I wasn’t getting invited to hangout as much anymore because people wanted to limit their time around me.  By the time I finally did, I couldn’t believe those people stayed around me as long as they did in the first place.  Many said that they stayed around because they knew I was a good person and that they loved me.  (Insert crying emoji here)

As a former ESP, I can now identify an ESP probably quicker than the average person. And when I do I have to ask myself a few questions.  Why?  Why do I continue to talk to this person?  Why do I keep them around?  Some of the ESP’s in my life, unfortunately, are family members.  Truth be told I have zero problems distancing myself from family members that I don’t gel with.  But when they are immediate members that can be harder to do.  Here’s how I handle the ESP’s in my life.

1.) Focus on my happy.  I have one ESP that as soon as I see or hear them, my vibe can be lowered just like that.  I feel the lowering of my vibration, acknowledge it, and find something to be happy or grateful for.  It could be something as a simple as, “My hair looks really good today.  These curls are popping!”  Find something to bring you vibes back up where they belong.

2.) Venting Time Limits.  Everyone needs to let off some verbal steam from time to time. But a person’s steam starts to burn my skin:  I CUT THAT SHIT SHORT.  If they keep coming to me with the same stuff all the time with no sort of change:  I cut that shit short. If when I’m done listening to them I have a headache, my mood is down AND I feel I need a drink……(Say it with me)  I CUT THAT SHIT SHORT.  It’s ok to be there for the people you love and care about especially when they are going through something heavy, they need you.  But make sure to not let them ALL your energy while doing so.

3.) Don’t take their energy personally.  This one can be tricky because my first thought when someone is coming to be with an attitude is I did something to them.  Or when I try to give advice on things I do when I feel the same, they totally dismiss it.  Or worse than that, they lash out.  It’s taking me a while (because as much as I don’t want to admit it) I can be a bit sensitive.  I learned that their shit is their shit.  That their energy is their energy.  That their feelings and opinions are their feelings and opinions.  And that NONE of that has any bearing on how I should feel in my own life or energy space.

So if you find yourself around an ESP, just let them be who they are going to be.  And try not to let their low energy take away from your high vibrations.