Clean up the milk and move on…

(Disclaimer- I proofread this thing a dozen times and used an online site to help. If you see any mistakes, I’m only human and not perfect. Thanks for reading!)

If you read last week’s post, then you know that I love listening to a podcast called, “The Read” hosted by Crissle and Kid Fury.  In the episode called, “Cheerleader”, Crissle spoke on her depression, seeing her therapist and the advice given by the therapist.  The therapist compared negative self-talk to running a race. (See last week’s post for full description.)  Crissle’s therapist went on to give an example about forgiving your past mistakes.  Her therapist said, “Let’s say a child spilled a cup of milk.  Are you going to every time you see that child, every day for the rest of their life be like, remember the time when you were 5 and 38 days and you spilled milk?  And I had to use three of my good Bounty’s to clean it up?  And replace my eight ounces of milk.  Are you going to drag that baby for that?  Or are we going to clean up the milk and move on with our fucking lives?”  From that moment on, Crissle decided that she had to clean up the milk in her life.  She would stop blaming herself non-stop and start looking forward again. Bam!  It hit me like a ton of bricks!  Is that what I have been doing the majority of my adult life?  Bitching over milk I spilled when I was young, naive and didn’t know any better.  Constantly berating myself over and over for situations that no longer exist and couldn’t be changed anyway.  Being my own biggest critic/ hater has always been a real hotbed issue for me.  After hearing the example that Crissle’s therapist gave her, I fully comprehend what my problem has been.  I have a lack of compassion for myself.  Isn’t that a fucked up thing to find out about yourself.

My understanding and heart is always so large for others.  I am able to fully support others with mistakes they have made in the past with my encouraging words.  But when it comes to having those same words for myself, there’s been little to none.  It is as if I don’t allow myself space to make mistakes or bad decisions.  For some reason, that is not allowed in my world.  For me, it’s not so much that I’m trying to be perfect.  I know this will never happen.  And that is completely all right with me.  Trying to be perfect, looks like a lot of work that I simply wouldn’t be dedicated to doing.  So where does my lack of self-compassion stem from?  Why is it that I can be so kind and uplifting for others, but not myself?  I am very skilled at stopping someone from beating themselves up.  I’m also very good at telling someone to have more patience with themselves and quick to say, “Everyone makes mistakes.”  Sometimes I can see the potential in others way more than I can see it in myself.  I have given myself far too much cruel kindness.  That is clearly something I would never do to another person.  Maybe I thought I was helping myself by giving cruel kindness.  By reminding myself of unpleasant situations I have been through, this would somehow help me to never to make those mistakes again.  By constantly replaying situations and poor choices, I would somehow learn to never do it again.  I found that this is unacceptable behavior and an oxymoron that simply makes no sense.  So what are the steps I plan on doing to change this behavior?

Step 1- Acknowledge that I am not compassion with myself.  Seems easy enough right?  But until one can admit to themselves that they have a problem, the situation can’t be fixed.

Step 2- Accept that mistakes have been made.  I’m human and humans make mistakes.  Some of the mistakes I made were necessary in order for me to learn and grow.  They taught me to make better choices and to listen to my gut.  Without making certain mistakes, I wouldn’t have become the person I am today.  And right now, I think I’m pretty awesome.  🙂

Step 3- Change the thought.  When NENE just won’t seem to shut her negative pie hole, I have to quickly remind myself of how awesome I am.  I begin to think of all the accomplishments that I have made over the years.  I will speak positive affirmations that prompt my brain to go down a more optimistic path.

Step 4- Forgive myself. This one will truly be the hardest to do of all the steps. I’ll have to learn that I’m still a good, smart person, who has flaws. No more or less than anyone else, just flaws. My past choices or decisions do not dictate how much I have grown. They also don’t determine my future. I will give myself a pep talk when I think of a mistake and move on. I will not dwell on choices and things in the past that can’t be changed.

As long as I’m walking the Earth, I will make mistakes.  It’s an important fact of life that I must remember.  I will acknowledge when I have done so, learn from said mistake, forgive myself and move on.  Because I’m tired of beating myself up over old, spilled milk.


I Chose Me…..

Recently I was seeing someone that I had grown very fond of.  We seem to hit it off really well from the beginning.  At least from my perspective, we did.  I really, really liked this person a lot.  They were funny, passionate about pursuing their career, driven, kind and positive.  I really enjoyed spending time with them and couldn’t wait to receive a call or text from them.  That…..was in the beginning.  Toward the end of our “situation”, I use the word situation because this person was uncomfortable with the word relationship. That should have been a red flag for me right there, but I digress.  Toward the end, this person’s whole demeanor begin to change from the person that I met in the beginning.  I believe I met their representative and not the real, honest them.  They became more down on a daily basis when I would speak to them.  There were things going on in this person’s life that I knew about and I’m sure a lot that I didn’t.  But I would always try my best to let them know that I was there to listen if they needed an ear.  With their mood becoming more and more down, this made them more irritable.  And I became the lucky recipient of this.  The conversations (and face to face interactions) would usually start off good.  Then seemly out of nowhere, their tone would change because of something I said. And at times, something I DID’T say.  Figure that one out because I never could.  They couldn’t always explain to me what I did (or didn’t do) that would piss them off.  This person did acknowledge the fact that they knew they were the problem.  They told me numerous times that they believed they had a problem communicating with others.  And that I wasn’t my fault. I was a good person.  Here’s where my confusion lies.  In one breath they say that they are the problem and in the next, they are yelling at me that I’m pissed them off again.  Huh?

Have you ever had someone in your life like this?  Unfortunately, this wasn’t my first encounter with someone like this.  That’s why it was so easy for me to recognize this behavior so quickly.  But despite that, I didn’t want to stop seeing this person.  I genuinely like them and I knew (and still know) that they are a genuinely good person.  I began to care about their well-being, their day and them as a whole.  I tried to let them know that I was there to listen to them whenever they needed to talk.  There were romantic feelings for this person, but above all that I was trying to be their friend.  But despite all of that of my efforts, I was still the bad guy.  Still the problem.  This person told me that they felt I wasn’t listening to them.  That’s all I ever did, but they couldn’t see that.  This “situation” ended with both parties yelling at one another.  And with me saying something out of sheer frustration that took me out of my character.  I was quite saddened that this “situation” ended because as I said I had grown really fond of them. But more importantly, I was upset with myself for allowing this person to pull me down to a negative level.  I work too hard on a daily basis to stay positive and see the light.  In hindsight, maybe this should have ended way before it did.  But I gave it time because this was very new and we were still getting to know each other.  And I stated before, I liked them.

When you care about a person, you’re willing to put up with a lot of shit in the hopes that they will change.  You hope that things will change for the better.  And that the person will realize how much you care about them and how their words hurt.  At some point, one has to ask themselves a serious question.  Do I like the way this person treats me more than I like myself?  For me the answer was simple:  HELL NO.  It got to a point with this person (and others I found myself in a similar situation with) that I had to make a choice.  Continue this “situation” that sometimes leaves me drained and feeling bad or bounce?  I chose the latter.  Instead of focusing on the good times, I had to focus on the bad ones.  The reasons that it couldn’t work out the way I wanted.  Their yelling, my hurt feelings, the miscommunications.  The time they called me a jerk for making what I thought was a cute comment.  And their constant pulling me close then pushing me away.  Those things outweighed the good and the strong feelings that I had developed for this person.  So despite my not really wanting it to, it had to end.  I will say that meeting this person wasn’t all bad for me.  They helped me to learn more about myself.  I learned more about my likes and dislikes, what I’ll put up with, what kind of relationship I want to have and how I’ve become a more positive person.  So for those reasons, I can say I am grateful.

If you find yourself in a similar situation with someone (friend, family member or spouse), remember that they don’t have the right to make you feel that their mood is your problem.  It’s a personal problem that they themselves need to work through.  If you know that whatever is going on with them has zero to do with you, do your best not to take their behavior personally.  Don’t allow yourself to be a person’s emotional punching bag.  Now I understand in some circumstances it isn’t always so easy to walk away. In those instances, have a conversation with the person.  Communication is key.  Be clear about what you want, how you feel and why.  This process will take some time. Especially if the person in question isn’t good at letting you know exactly how and why they feel the way they do.  Listen and let them know that you are listening.  Let them know that you do see them.  Most times people just want to feel that they are being heard and that someone cares.  In my case, I was listening and I cared, but I didn’t feel the same from them.  But if it gets to the point where talking it out and giving it time changes nothing…..Bounce.  Choose your happiness.  Choose your positivity.  Choose your well-being.  And most importantly, choose yourself.

Late To The Game or Early To A Breakthrough?

I always thought that by the time I made it to the age I currently am, I would be a lot further along in my life’s journey than I am.  I also thought that I would have all my shit together by now as well.  Fun fact:  I have been proven wrong on both points.  The fact that neither of those things is true, bruises my ego a little on a daily basis.  So much so that I’m actually a little embarrassed to even admit it.  But I never hold back the truth on this blog, so there it is for the world to read.  I thought that I would be further along because I thought I knew what I wanted at a young age.  At 18, I wanted to move to New York City, go to the Fashion Institute of Technology, graduate and become a world-famous designer.  By the time I turned 25, the only thing that I still wanted was still to move to New York City.  Now I really don’t want any of the things I did at 18 or 25.  I decided to go back to college in 2010 to study Journalism under the guise that I would become a Fashion Journalist.  Since I know longer wanted to make clothes, I wanted to write about other making them.  A little more than halfway through my studies, I took a creative writing class as a filler for a semester.  After two months in the class, I had made a big career change.  I no longer wanted to be a Fashion Journalist, I wanted to be a writer.  But not just a writer, oh no that’s too small of a dream for me.  I wanted to be a New York Times Bestselling author.  Hell, why not?  The thing that gets me (aka pisses me off a bit) is why couldn’t I have figured all of this out at 18, 25 or hell even 30 years old?!  And now instead of NYC calling my heart, California seems to be calling my name more and more. But I digress.

Eventually, I had to step back, do some serious inventory and think about it.  Why exactly aren’t I where I thought I would be?  And why aren’t I where I think I should be?  For me, the answer wasn’t crystal clear at first.  After a few years of reading different self-help books and listening to positive podcast, it finally hit me.  My mindset wasn’t right for the goals and dreams I had for myself.  How can I expect to be somewhere more positive than I am if my mindset isn’t on the same page?  Impossible.  It took years of growing pains, long conversations with people, late nights of reading, prayer, and meditation to finally get it.  I also think part of the reason why I’m not where I thought (or would like) to be is that what I want has changed.  And more importantly than that, I have changed. My self-confidence is stronger than it has ever been at any point in my life.  And I work daily to strengthen it more than the day before.  My career goals are truer to who I am now.  My focus, drive, and desire for what I want are on warp speed.  Now if I could only stop wasting time and energy beating myself up about the slow start. (Insert emoji with the lady with the hand over her face here)

Now I’ll be candid here, my mindset isn’t always 100% completely aligned with my goals. When I say this I mean that there are days when the New York Times Bestsellers List seems like nothing more than a pipe dream.  And then there are days when I think something I’ve written is worthy of a Pulitzer Prize.  Ok, that’s a bit of a stretch, but you see where I’m going with this.  If my mindset isn’t completely aligned with my goals, then my goals won’t come to flourishing.  Since what I want hasn’t appeared in my life, then I would beat myself up about not achieving that goal.  Never.  Ending.  Cycle.  Good news: I finally figured this out.  Bad news (sort of):  Trying to figure out how change this destructive, non-productive pattern of behavior.  I have learned that when I try to do too much at one time, I freak out and then fail miserably.  So I take baby steps, my friend.  Baby steps.  It started by acknowledging that there was a change that needed to happen within me first.  That’s usually the hardest thing to do.  Honestly, it sucked that my change had to take so long to manifest, but it was necessary in order to grow strong enough to go after my goals.  Once I knew that I had to change, then I figured out the how.

Instead of the constant complaining to anyone who would listen to my whining, I started having actual conversations.  Meaning I would talk about what I wasn’t happy about, but I would actually listen to the feedback I was given in return.  Not only would I listen, I would give a significant amount of time to what the person said.  And then from there, I would apply the advice to help improve myself and my life.  As I stated earlier, I started reading books about mindset and positive thinking. I started with a book called, “The Secret.”  I know some people have issues with this book, but it helped me tremendously.  It helped me learn to see the glass as half full instead of half empty like how I was raised to see it.  It always taught me to be more grateful for all the things I have in my life.  With gratitude comes a better attitude. So corny, but so true.  I listened (and still do) to positive, motivating podcast as well.  Some of my favorites are The Marie Forleo Podcast, The Lavendaire Lifestyle, and The GaryVee Audio Experience.  Really love Gary Vee because it keeps it real, tells the truth and doesn’t sugar coat shit.  And someone like me appreciates that.  I surround myself with as many positive people as I can.  And the funny thing is, I have met some great amazing people online who have helped me to be more positive as well.  I try to avoid as many negative people as possible.  But sometimes that’s hard when it’s a family member, a friend or maybe even a co-worker.  I just keep my conversations with them to a minimum.  It’s the only way I can survive.  And I think the most important that I’m learning to do (and working on daily) is forgiving myself.  Forgiving myself for past mistakes, ideas, attitudes, actions, and non-actions.  I have this terrible tendency of living in the past and replaying mistakes in my mind.  I am learning to work through that, and let it go.  Nothing I can do about it now, it’s over.  The only thing I can do is learn and grow from it.  So even though I may not be exactly where I thought I would be.  Or even have my shit together, I’m still here fighting the good fight.  I’m not giving up on my dreams or myself.  Clearly, I’m still here for a reason.  And I’ll do everything I can to make sure that that reason is fulfilled.

Self Care- Be a little selfish, it’s ok

I was having a conversation with a co-worker recently and she told me that her step-mom sent her half brother and sister to visit with her for a while from Florida. I asked her to define “a while” and she said until late July/ early August. All of this wouldn’t be an issue if my co-worker didn’t work two jobs and shared a small living space with three other people. When I asked her why her step-mom sent them in the first place she said, “Because she didn’t have anyone to watch them during the summer. And she needs to get her business off the ground.” I wish you could have seen the look on my face when she said that. (Insert side eye emoji here)  I told her that I understand that she wants to spend time with her siblings and help her step-mom. But I pointed out that she already told me that between the two jobs, she’s exhausted. It’s fully okay to let her step-mom know that she would have to make other arrangements after a few weeks because she needs time to herself. Between the two jobs and playing babysitter to a 19 and a 14 year old (yeah you read that right) she wouldn’t have time to do anything for herself. She paused for a second and said, “I know. You’re right.”

I think a lot of people find themselves in this situation more than they would like to admit.  They find themselves in predicaments where they have to do something they don’t want to do in order the help someone else.  Or worse, they’ve been volunteered by someone else to do something to help another person.  Both cases suck, and one would definitely not be ideal.  It’s not that they wouldn’t want to help, most times people generally do.  But helping all the time takes away from time for themselves to recharge.  I have a cousin who by all accounts is extremely kind and generous with her time.  So much so that she’ll put something completely aside to help someone else with something they have.  She might go without money, sleep or personal time to assist another.  This was always at the expense of herself and her well-being.  I remember saying to her once that she needed to, “take a break man.”  I told her that she was burning the candlestick at both ends.  And if she didn’t take some time for herself, that candle would eventually be completely gone.  Over time she got fed up with everyone needing something from her, not giving her much in return.

Whether you’re a mother, father, wife, husband, caregiver or an awesome best friend, you have to reserve some time for yourself.   You are no good to anyone (or yourself) if you don’t have time to recharge your batteries.  That’s why you may have to get a little selfish with your time.  Taking care of your mental and physical health should always be your number one priority.  You can’t help others if you are weak and suffering in either of those areas.  And more importantly, you will not be happy.  So take some time out for yourself.  It doesn’t matter how long you take.  It doesn’t matter exactly what you do.  Just go do it.  Do something that makes you happy, makes you smile or makes you laugh. Find something that brings you joy and a sense of peace.  Doing this will not only benefit your overall health, but it will help keep you in tip-top shape to be there for those around you.

Going through the storm: A time for renewal

Have you ever had a certain period of time in your life, where it seems as though you are surrounding by nothing but dark clouds?  Things are moving alone, but often at a snail’s pace and not always for the better.  I noticed that my storm began sometime around late November 2017.  I totally wasn’t feeling any of the holidays this past season.  And that’s not like me, because my inner chubby kid can’t wait for Thanksgiving to arrive. Ha! Ha!  But this past year…Nothing.  I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I was depressed, but I would say that I was in a serious funk.  I made a major decision (and took a big leap of faith) in November, which I thought would give me instant gratification.  I quit a job that was totally making me miserable, inside and out.  So for a brief period, I was totally okay with my decision.  Elated even.  That was until next month’s bill (and Christmas) came, then I had what one would call “buyer’s remorse.”

“Did I make the right decision? Maybe it wasn’t so bad there as I thought it was. I was probably totally overreacted as I usually do. I wonder if I could get that job back.”

Those were just some of the thoughts that crossed my mind when the storm clouds began to brew around me.  Maybe I brought them onto myself with my negative self-talk, or maybe it was just my time for renewal.  Years ago before I began the work of self-improvement, I would have viewed these clouds as dooms day.  No good will ever come of this.  I won’t be happy again, let alone be able to make it through the other side safely.  All is lost…..woe is me.  See where I’m going with this?  Total Debbie Downer to the fullest!  And I would have been full on comfortable with that.  But that’s a topic for another post…which you will be able to read soon.  But I digress….

Why do I think it’s a time for renewal instead of just a storm full of nasty clouds out to destroy me?  Simply this. Night has to come before the sun arrives.  It’s the way of the world, its nature.  My hair (which is naturally curly) got damaged due to over processing of color in late September.  Everyone kept saying that I would need to cut off all the damaged parts and start over. My hair was finally down to my mid back when straighten, so I refused. I deep conditioned the shit out my hair, but to avail.  My curls were all but gone, dead, a distance curly memory. (Insert crying emoji here)  And somewhere along the line, I had to except that a move on.  So little by little, I had inches cut off here and there.  By late January, I couldn’t take seeing my leftover straight pieces, so I begged my hairdresser to cut the rest of damaged hair out.  And then even it out altogether. I knew that this would mean that my hair would be hella short again.  Almost as short as when I decided to stop putting relaxers in my hair and go natural in the first place.  But as soon as she was done and I looked in the mirror, I was so freaking happy!  I felt light again.  New Year, new attitude, new outlook, new goals, new hair and a new me.

Now I say all that to say this:  Even though the clouds may brew around you, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a bad thing.  The storm could be there to clean away some bullshit that you may not be ready to do yourself.  (Which is usually the case for me.)  It could be there to teach you a lesson that you need to learn.  It could appear to help you learn to have my faith.  Faith in your journey, faith in your life or faith in yourself.  Maybe it’s there to remind you that you are strong enough to handle it and whatever comes your way.  I know I often have loads of trouble remember that last one.  During your storm just remember that you are strong and will survive it.  Take this time as a time for renewal of all things in your life.  Do whatever it is that you need to do to help you stay positive and make it through.  Keep saying, “This is a storm and it too shall pass.”  Sound corny as hell, but has helped me stay focus on what it actually is instead of what I think it is.  The sun is up there and it’s waiting to sun on you again.  As in life just as in nature, the sun never leaves.  Before I wasn’t able to see the sun through the clouds, but I never gave up hope that it was still there.  And by keeping that hope close to my heart, that’s how I’m making it through my storm.

I can be happy for no reason: Right?

Lately I have had this stranger feeling that I haven’t always been too familiar with:  Happiness.  Damn shame that the above sentence is absolutely true in my life, but it is.  The part of feeling happiness that is foreign to me, is the fact that I’m seemly happy for no apparent reason.   Now don’t get me wrong, I have moments where I felt happiness.  Usually though it involved me giving or receiving something.   But to feel happy and have nothing new that has been added to my life, that’s strange.  Or at least that’s what the negative voice in my head tells me.  This is usually what happens right when I start feeling happy for no reason.  I feel happy and then:

Negative voice: “What the hell are you so happy about?  Nothing new or exciting has happened to you.  You are still in the exact place you were yesterday.”

Everyone always talks about having “haters”, but it seems that my biggest hater is me.  Maybe not exactly me, but that negative voice that I have allow to dominate most of my thoughts for a good portion of my existence.  I gave this voice a name, and her name is NENE.  I named it so I could better tell it to, “shut the fuck up” when needed.  Everyone has a NENE, even if you haven’t given it a name like I did.  For me, NENE is that voice that gives its two cents when no one ask for its opinion.  When I would want to start something new, NENE would be there to give me every reason why I will fail.  When I would want to talk to someone that I like, here comes NENE to tell me that that person would never be into me.  When I decided that I want to be a writer as my career, she keeps telling me reason why I’m not good enough for that.  To make a long story short, anything I want to do that’s positive, she’s there to quickly shut me down.  Can you see why I don’t like this bitch?  I will say this, I listened to NENE for years.  I strangely found comfort in her negative bosom.  Although she is constantly saying negative things, I listened, by doing that that meant I didn’t have to try.  And if I didn’t try, I couldn’t fail.  And if I don’t fail, I can’t get hurt.  Hence why NENE’s negative talk was comforting in a way for me.  I have come to realize that that is not a good way to live.  If I ever want to grow as a person, change my life or level up, I have to work harder and possibly fail.  Failing comes with the territory of trying to reach your goals.  Period.  Only the strong survive, and this time I plan to be one of them.  So now when I hear NENE’s negative behind creeping into my thoughts, I’m learning to quickly shut that shit down.  Whatever she says, I turn it back to a positive.  Something like this:

Me:  “Today is a beautiful day outside.  I feel quite good.”

NENE:  “It’s cold out there and you still didn’t lose that 10 pounds you were working toward.”

Me:  “Yes, it’s cold, but the sun is shining and summer is coming.  And I may not have lost that 10 pounds when I said I would, but now I can lift twice as much as when I started.”

Following me?  Whenever that voice creeps up on you with whatever it wants to say, find SOMETHING to be happy about.  It could be as simple as that fact that you are here to fight another day.  A lot of people didn’t make it to the age you are now, and I’m sure would have loved too.  You had a great breakfast, you made it to work on time despite the terrible traffic out there or you have a funny conversation with a total stranger in a store.  Anything that you can think of that makes you feel good or puts a smile on your face is sure to work.  Since I have been keeping more good feelings of happiness lately, I hear NENE a lot more than ever.  And when I do, I tell her (and myself) I can be happy for no damn reason if I want too.  And I remain happy because I learned a long time ago that if I want have things in my life to be happy about, I need to be happy now without those things.  Like attracts like.

Heart vs Brain: Emotion vs Logic

Have you ever made a decision where you chose emotion over logic?  I have on numerous occasions that I would like to forget.  The one that comes to mind first is when I packed up my life to move down south for someone I was in love with.  Yeah, I did that dumb shit.  (Smh)  Long story short I met (and quickly fell in love with) this person six weeks before moving out of the state.  We kept in touch over a roughly two year period.  I decided that I loved this person so much, that I wanted to move back to be with them.  We discussed it and the final decision was made by me.  The weekend before I’m about to leave (bags and boxes packed and in the car) this person calls and say that maybe I shouldn’t move after all.  Huh?  Excuse my language in advance but my response was, “What the fuck do you mean I shouldn’t come?!  You asked me to fucking move back!”  In retrospect, my response was freaking hilarious.  I heard the words that the person who I was in love with was saying to me, but my heart wouldn’t fully let me process it.  There was no way I couldn’t go!  Not now!

Reasons being:
1.) Because I was young, dumb and in love.
2.) There was no way to save face with friends and family if I didn’t go. I couldn’t take the embarrassment.

I had made such an argument to go (despite being advised otherwise) that at that point there was no way I could let them know they were right.  My 20-something year old heart and pride wouldn’t allow me to do that.  So I move back and after a short time we got back together.  About a month or so after that, the person breaks up with me.  I kind of forced their hand to get some balls and do it already, but that’s a post for another day.  I learned a hard a lesson through that experience.  Listening to your heart over your head, could possibly blow up in your face.  In last week’s post, I talked about quitting my Preschool Teacher Assistant position.  As much as I love and adore MOST of the kids I work with (heart), momma needs to make a little more money (logic) than she is currently making.  You feel me?  I know you do.  I will miss their sweet little faces and the funny things they say to me on a daily basis.  Last week a four our year little girl was singing Alicia Keys “Girl on Fire.”  Too cute and hilarious.  The fact that I love the kids (MOST of them as I have stated. Lol.)  I can’t let my emotions make the decision to stay.  And there were a few other factors that made me completely unhappy and miserable.  They played a factor in my decision to leave.  So in this case, I choose my logic over my heart.  My emotions may be bruised for a little while, but they’ll get stronger in the end.  Choosing logic over heart doesn’t always pan out well either.  Have you ever liked someone (heart) but chose not to say anything (logic) for fear of rejection?  Guilty!  I could have missed out on a great love because deep down, I’m a bit of a chicken shit.  I really gotta get that confidence up.  I say all this to say that when making a decision, never go too quickly with either your heart or logic.  Weigh the pros and cons of all situations before making a major decision.  Because if you don’t (and go hastily with either) you could be making a choice that can hurt you and is difficult to come back from.