Who’s Assuming Who?

(Disclaimer- I proofread this post a dozen times and used Grammarly to help. If you see any mistakes, I’m only human. And I am not perfect. Thanks for reading!)

Last week I posted a blog post called, “Dear Scared White People” that received mostly positive comments.  But three people took issue with the title… (Insert dramatic music here) without having read the post.  On the Facebook blog post, one woman said, “I am not a sensitive woman, but the title of your post turned me off.  I am just being honest. While I am sure it is all in good humor, I wouldn’t click it.”  Although she said that she wasn’t a “sensitive woman”, the fact that she felt a strong emotion to just the title tells me she is.  I promptly let her know that I wasn’t trying to be humorous.  I told her that the post wasn’t directed at ALL WHITE PEOPLE.  I have the where with all to know that not ALL WHITE PEOPLE behave in the manner in which I was speaking of in my post.  I go on to explain that the title is directed at the so-called “scared” ones.  The second person left a comment that said, “Wow racist to a T.”  (Insert the emoji with the person with their hand over their face.)  The sheer ignorance and cluelessness of that person didn’t surprise me one bit.  And the third person said it was, “terrible click bait” and “kind of offensive, too.”  He went on to say that it was a “terrible assumption to make with the title.”  He continued by saying, “The way you’re approaching, what I would assume is an important matter based on other comments here, is terrible.  You’re projecting an assumption of an entire racial class.”  To which I responded, “So from your statement, I can tell that not only didn’t you read the post to find out exactly what and whom I’m talking about.  You didn’t even read all the comments posted here by others.  You are ASSUMING you know what I’m talking about based solely on the title.  The exterior.  So don’t say I’m projecting an assumption when clearly you are doing the same.”  After addressing all three (politely I might add) what do you think happened?  Absolutely nothing.  Complete radio silence from all three, just as I expected.

By their comments, I feel, they clearly fit the narrative of people making assumptions about certain things without learning the truth.  It piggybacks a little off last week’s post about people calling the cops on people of color because they made assumptions about them.  The assumptions being who they think these people are or what they think they may do.  Let me be very clear here:  ALL HUMANS make assumptions about others at one time or another.  (Raises hand…..I’m guilty of this.)  I have a friend named Kevin that I have known for ten years now.  When I first met Kevin, I didn’t think we would have anything in common.  He listened to different music, he wore Insane Clown Posse tee shirts and he wasn’t the friendliest looking guy.  I made assumptions about him based on what I saw and nothing else.  Fast forward to now, and he’s one of my dearest friends.  I’ll be attending his wedding next summer.

I developed inaccurate and stupid opinions about people.  Most of which were truly unwarranted and unfair.  The one that I used to make was if a particular white person I encountered would be racist.  These thoughts stem from interactions I had while growing up black in America.  I’ve been followed around a store while shopping on a few occasions.  Sometimes I’m still nervous that someone thinks I may steal from a store just because I’m black.  I’ve heard things said like (insert their idea of a compliment here) for a black girl.  And the infamous, “You’re different than other black people.  You’re not like them.”  I’m still not sure how to process that last one.  The fact that I have encountered a few bad apples in the bunch is in no way an excuse for me to think all white people are racist.  But I wanted to give you some context as to where my thoughts came from.

As I stated above, we all make assumptions.  We assume that we will not like the taste of certain foods because of the way it looks or smells.  We assume that we won’t like a movie because of reviews it received from our family or friends.  We assume that the title of a post is “terrible click bait” without knowing that the person titled it that way to convey an important message.  And we assume that a whole race of people are bad because we have heard things or had an unpleasant experience with someone of that race.  Assumptions get people in a lot of unnecessary trouble.  So take the time to dig a little bit further beneath the surface before you project your own thoughts onto a situation.  Who knows?  Maybe you’ll make a new friend you thought you wouldn’t have anything in common with.  Or maybe, just maybe, you learn something you didn’t know about yourself.


Yes, I’m single…. And?

There are truly very few things that I hate in this world.  Rude people, cantaloupes (someone is sure to take issue with that), the sound of my mother’s complaining and someone questioning me on why I’m single.  I hate that last one with an ultimate passion. I’ll paint the picture for you.  I run into someone that I haven’t seen in a long time and they run down the gamut of the usual questions.  How have you been? What’s new with you? Do you have any kids yet?  How’s your mom?  And finally the dreaded….Are you seeing anyone?  I swear when I would tell people, “No I’m single”, I used to feel like I was wearing a scarlet letter on my chest.  Shouldn’t have felt that way, but often times I did.  After my response I was usually given the obligatory slight head tilt and the common, “They’re out there. You’ll find them.”  First of all, did I ever say I was looking for them?  And second, how about THEY’LL FIND ME.”  I’m a catch over here.

It just boggles my mind that it’s so hard for people to understand someone choosing to be single.  It’s as if they think you chose to be single because you can’t get anyone.  When truth be told that’s totally not the case.  I tapped out of dating somewhere in 2016 after years of encounters with the undesirables over and over again.  Undesirables meaning that same type of person who had nothing new to say or give that the one before them had. You can go around forever saying, “There are no good men or women in this world.”  And be honest, some people overall aren’t shit, but that’s a topic for another day.  Or you could do a little self-inventory and figure out what else could be the problem.  Let’s see what could it be……Not enough singles where you live?  The places you go?  (How come I never meet anyone at the club?)  The internet?  (Dating sites have nothing but perverts on them.)

I’m sure all of us have thought these things at one time or another.  But have you ever stopped to think that maybe the problem is…you?  That’s what I came to realize about myself.  I was the common dominator in these situations with these undesirables.  I was the fucking problem.  How could I possible to be the reason why I’m single?  I’m fucking awesome!  Right???  I came to realize that I was the one attracting certain individuals into my world.  That was definitely not an easy pill to swallow at first.  But I had to face the cold, hard facts of my current reality.  When I really sat down and thought about the kind of person I wanted to be with, I came to another conclusion.  I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM.  (It was a sad fact, but also a funny one to me.)  The person that I desired to be with was totally out of my league, in a big way.  That revelation came as a big shock to me really.  How could I seriously list certain qualities I wanted in a spouse and not offer them myself?  To me, that’s just stupid and ridiculous.  So in 2016, I tapped out of the game of dating.  For me tapping out basically meant the following:  No more online dating, going out with friends and fully enjoy myself without worrying if I would meet someone, learning to be happy and single, working on whatever qualities I wanted to have that I didn’t and working on my body, spirit, and mind.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be single for the rest of my life.  Hell no.  But I want to meet someone perfect for me to share my life with.  Maybe have a little family of my own someday.  Honestly, I’m still up in the air about kids.  I mean I’m not afraid of being a mother.  I think I would be a great mom.  But my friends have told me way too many of their horror birthing stories.  They have scarred me for life.  (Insert crying and laughing emoji here.)  But that’s a post for another day.  What I am sure about is that the person I want to be with has certain qualities that I didn’t have at the time.  I was wasting my time going out with the same type of person, doing the same bullshit over and over again.  Having the same experiences which always lead to the same results.  Aggravation, disappointment, sadness (often cause I thought I would never meet the right person) and anger.  The anger I felt stemmed from the fact that I had made the same choice as before.  (Insert emoji with the girl with her hand over her face.)

So I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I took a good, clear look at myself and what I wasn’t happy with and took it from there.  And guess what I discovered?  I became way happier when I focused on myself and left dating alone.  Now I know that may sound strange to some people reading this.  But it is the God’s honest truth.  Some might think to themselves, “She’s actually happy being single?  Oh my god, I would die.”  And a few years ago, that person was me.  But I have come to believe (and know) that I needed to take this time to get my mind right.  And more importantly, get my shit together.  I can’t be any good to anyone if I’m no good to myself.  That makes absolutely no sense.  The famous drag queen (and media mogul) has a saying that he says at the end of every episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race.  And it goes, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen?”

If I had the almost impossible task of describing how life on earth was to a being from another planet at this day and time I might say: Uneasy. In light of the recent mass shooting in Las Vegas by some pathetic old loser (who probably wanted to die but was too afraid to just go ahead and do it) it’s safe to say that we are even more on edge. I have heard some say it’s the eclipse or the environment for all the craziness going on right now. I say the problem is just the human race in general. Since the beginning of time, humans have believed that they are better and more superior to every other creation on this planet. And that includes believing that some humans are better than certain other humans. That thought process has also manifested itself into some believing that because some humans are who they are, they deserve more than others. Humans have harbored rage, resentment, jealousy and hatred in our hearts for others since biblical times.  The recent shooting in Vegas could very well be a product of this. People have killed others for various ridiculous reasons century after century.  Many have lost their lives over land, money, the rights to own other humans (that one gets me the most), personal property (or lack thereof), the color of someone’s skin, gender, sexual orientation, etc. The list could go on and on for a numerous asinine reasons.  All of which some human who has committed the act would be able to justify. (Shaking my head) Truthfully all reasons come down to one common thing: HATE.  Hate is defined as “an intense or passionate dislike.”  Hate for others, hate for the world, hate for their circumstances and most importantly for themselves.

Even though this world has more of its fair share of hate, there is still a lot of love going on among its inhabits.  During the course of that asshole shooting people, the victims were helping strangers they didn’t even know get to safety. Others stayed by people sides they didn’t know while they took their last breaths.  Many comforted each other in the midst of the gun fire, after it was over and still today.  I say all this to say this: LOVE ALWAYS WINS IN THE END!  Why do you think hate is constantly coming at love all the time?  Because it knows that love is way more powerful and can’t be beat.  Period.  At times it can be hard to see this, but if you keep your heart and thoughts pure, love will prevail.  Try to be nicer to each other while you have your human experience here on earth.  And don’t forget to be nicer to yourself as well, because you need love too.  And if you think no one cares about you or thinks about you, please remember this.  I say a prayer every night for every single person on this planet.  Good or bad and whether they like me or not.  So just know that you are in that prayers as well.  LOVE.