No More Downplaying: Period

I have a real issue with acknowledging my achievements and talents in my life.  Self-doubt has always been such a big problem for me.  It’s almost as if I think that I don’t deserve whatever it is I accomplished or my God-given talents.  Take my recent weight loss as a prime example.  I have lost over 30 pounds in the past 11 months.  That’s a big freaking deal by anyone’s standards.  But to me, seeing as though it took me damn near a year to do this, it wasn’t good enough.  My thinking was that I should have lost more in that time.  I belittled all the hard work, sweaty workouts, sore muscles and hours of meal planning I put into the process.  None of that shit was easy or fun to do, trust me.  So why do I continue to do this to myself?  I think it’s because no matter how far I may have come; I always see how far I still have to go.  Even though I have lost over 30 pounds, I tend to mostly focus on the weight I still have left to lose.  For me, this isn’t exclusive for just my weight loss.  This has translated to most of the things I have achieved and to my goals.

I have a tendency to downplay MOST if not all of my accomplishments and talents.  And it’s totally not a, “I’m trying to stay humble” thing. It’s more of a, “I sort of did it, but damn I still have so much farther to go” thing.  See the problem?  Often times I can’t pat myself on the back for doing something that I worked really hard to do.  Some things that even people who know me wish they could have done.  That’s the very thing I have been told a few times by several different people  They say this in regards to my recent weight loss and also about the things that I have written that they have read.  But since I’m nowhere I want to be and in my mind, “still have so far to go” it means almost nothing.  Career-wise, I’m nowhere close to where I want to be either.  My career goal is to be a full-time author.  To be more specific, I want to write fiction books for adults and children.  I have been doing the biggest step of all to achieve this goal and that is to simply write.  The more writing one does, the better they become right?  The negative side of my thinking always says this step isn’t shit if no one has read what I have written. But regardless of how small, it’s bringing me closer to my goal of being on the New York Times Best Sellers List.  I have been writing much more than I have been in the past few years, which is a bit of an achievement in itself.  I have been submitting my poetry to different publications and have gotten published.  That’s a big one because (as per usual in my mind) my work isn’t all that great.  SIDEBAR:  I received my first professional review of a poem I wrote.  The critic wrote that my poem was, “the first piece I return to after a long day of work to find my calm.”   Cool huh?!

For someone who doesn’t know anything about me to say that my poem was one of her top three favorites in the anthology, has to speak to my writing abilities.  I have to really start training my mind to believe and know that I have a talent for writing.  I must start giving myself credit for continuing to go after my dreams.  Whatever effort I’m making (big or small) it is getting me closer and closer to the finish line.  And I should celebrate every victory with an enthusiastic pat on the back.  I am starting to learn to accept the fact that I am the shit for even making a serious effort to accomplish anything.  The person I was a few years ago would never have attempted the things that I have recently. I think that the downplaying I still do sometimes is a bit of the old me that reside inside.  She always has something less than stellar to say.  Who knows, she may always live in the small relics of my mind.  But I can’t let her or anyone else put a damper on my accomplishments, talents, dreams or goals.  Last Thursday I had the pleasure of going to see an R&B band that I love called, “The Internet.”  I had the privilege of getting some sound advice from one of the members named Matt.  I told him that I was a writer and a future New York Times Bestselling author. Speak it into existence right?  I told him that most times I am filled with so much self-doubt I can’t see how I will accomplish my dreams. I also let him know that despite that, I know that I’m a damn good writer.  But that I have trouble remembering that all the time.  He told me that that sort of thing happens to most people, but that I had to keep positive thoughts always.  I have to be my biggest supporter no matter what.  And that I should always know that anything is possible no matter how impossible it may seem.  I knew all those things before he said them to me.  And I have thought them myself before.  But to hear them from someone whom I just met, and is a fellow artist like me put them into a direct perspective this time.  Thank you, Matt, for putting everything back into perspective for me with your wise words.

So what am I going to do to improve this pointless, negative behavior?  I’m going to start focusing on what I actually did to accomplish the goal.  If someone actually compliments me on an achievement I reached or even notices the effort given, I will sincerely take the compliment.  I will start looking at how far I’ve come as opposed to how far I still have to go.  With my writing, I will pay more attention to writing quality blogs people can relate too rather than obsessing about getting my views numbers up.  If I write good stuff and stay consistent, they will come.  It’s all comes down to how I look at things and what I focus on.  If I (and you) continue to look at how far we still have yet to go, then not only are we downplaying our achievements but we are slowing down our progress.  And trying to achieve anything is challenging enough, why add more unnecessary crap to that?  And above all of that, I truly have to remember this:  I AM THE SHIT.  Period.  I’m good at what I do.  Writing is my God-given talent.   And I have been blessed with the strength, drive, and hunger to get anything I want in this life.  So from this moment on, I’ll do my best to only look at how much I have progressed in my journey.  My advice is not to let a setback (or what you perceive as small steps) keep you from patting yourself on the back for a job well done.  Know that you’re doing your best and you too are the shit.  If you don’t think that you’re killing it at working toward your goals, then you won’t be.  And again, who needs that unnecessary crap on their minds?

 

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Who’s Assuming Who?

(Disclaimer- I proofread this post a dozen times and used Grammarly to help. If you see any mistakes, I’m only human. And I am not perfect. Thanks for reading!)

Last week I posted a blog post called, “Dear Scared White People” that received mostly positive comments.  But three people took issue with the title… (Insert dramatic music here) without having read the post.  On the Facebook blog post, one woman said, “I am not a sensitive woman, but the title of your post turned me off.  I am just being honest. While I am sure it is all in good humor, I wouldn’t click it.”  Although she said that she wasn’t a “sensitive woman”, the fact that she felt a strong emotion to just the title tells me she is.  I promptly let her know that I wasn’t trying to be humorous.  I told her that the post wasn’t directed at ALL WHITE PEOPLE.  I have the where with all to know that not ALL WHITE PEOPLE behave in the manner in which I was speaking of in my post.  I go on to explain that the title is directed at the so-called “scared” ones.  The second person left a comment that said, “Wow racist to a T.”  (Insert the emoji with the person with their hand over their face.)  The sheer ignorance and cluelessness of that person didn’t surprise me one bit.  And the third person said it was, “terrible click bait” and “kind of offensive, too.”  He went on to say that it was a “terrible assumption to make with the title.”  He continued by saying, “The way you’re approaching, what I would assume is an important matter based on other comments here, is terrible.  You’re projecting an assumption of an entire racial class.”  To which I responded, “So from your statement, I can tell that not only didn’t you read the post to find out exactly what and whom I’m talking about.  You didn’t even read all the comments posted here by others.  You are ASSUMING you know what I’m talking about based solely on the title.  The exterior.  So don’t say I’m projecting an assumption when clearly you are doing the same.”  After addressing all three (politely I might add) what do you think happened?  Absolutely nothing.  Complete radio silence from all three, just as I expected.

By their comments, I feel, they clearly fit the narrative of people making assumptions about certain things without learning the truth.  It piggybacks a little off last week’s post about people calling the cops on people of color because they made assumptions about them.  The assumptions being who they think these people are or what they think they may do.  Let me be very clear here:  ALL HUMANS make assumptions about others at one time or another.  (Raises hand…..I’m guilty of this.)  I have a friend named Kevin that I have known for ten years now.  When I first met Kevin, I didn’t think we would have anything in common.  He listened to different music, he wore Insane Clown Posse tee shirts and he wasn’t the friendliest looking guy.  I made assumptions about him based on what I saw and nothing else.  Fast forward to now, and he’s one of my dearest friends.  I’ll be attending his wedding next summer.

I developed inaccurate and stupid opinions about people.  Most of which were truly unwarranted and unfair.  The one that I used to make was if a particular white person I encountered would be racist.  These thoughts stem from interactions I had while growing up black in America.  I’ve been followed around a store while shopping on a few occasions.  Sometimes I’m still nervous that someone thinks I may steal from a store just because I’m black.  I’ve heard things said like (insert their idea of a compliment here) for a black girl.  And the infamous, “You’re different than other black people.  You’re not like them.”  I’m still not sure how to process that last one.  The fact that I have encountered a few bad apples in the bunch is in no way an excuse for me to think all white people are racist.  But I wanted to give you some context as to where my thoughts came from.

As I stated above, we all make assumptions.  We assume that we will not like the taste of certain foods because of the way it looks or smells.  We assume that we won’t like a movie because of reviews it received from our family or friends.  We assume that the title of a post is “terrible click bait” without knowing that the person titled it that way to convey an important message.  And we assume that a whole race of people are bad because we have heard things or had an unpleasant experience with someone of that race.  Assumptions get people in a lot of unnecessary trouble.  So take the time to dig a little bit further beneath the surface before you project your own thoughts onto a situation.  Who knows?  Maybe you’ll make a new friend you thought you wouldn’t have anything in common with.  Or maybe, just maybe, you learn something you didn’t know about yourself.

Dear “Scared White People,”

(Disclaimer- I proofread this post a dozen times and used an online site to help. If you see any mistakes, I’m only human. And I am not perfect. Thanks for reading!)

Dear “Scared White People”,

Hi. My name is Nyikia and I am a concerned black woman.  I’m writing this letter to you because I’m growing quite concerned (and getting pissed off) by your recent behavior toward black people.  I have listed a few examples:

1.) Calling the cops when black people are waiting for our friends in the local Starbucks. (Happened in Philadelphia.)
2.) Calling the cops when black people gather peacefully in the park to have a BBQ with friends and family. (Google BBQ Becky.)
3.) Calling the cops when black people are going to view a house that is for sale. Even though the person is a real estate agent, and had been authorized to do so.
4.) Calling the cops when black people check out of an Airbnb (with their luggage in full view) because you thought they might be burglars.
5.) Calling the police on a 9-year old that was just buying something at the local corner store because you think they “grabbed your butt.” (Google Corner store Caroline)
6.) Calling the police because a black father was cheering his son on during his soccer game. (Google Golf cart Gail)

I’ll stop here because the list goes on and on with your less than stellar behavior.  If you notice from the list, there is a consistent pattern.  That pattern is the calling of the police on people who don’t look like you.  Why is that?  I could understand if they were doing something that was suspicious.  But clearly, in the instances listed above, they were not. The suspicion you had was based merely on the color of their skin.  And also, the prejudices you have acquired over the years.  Now I understand that your prejudices could stem from a learned behavior passed down from generation to generation.  And some have come from outside sources:  literature, television, hearsay and most notorious the media.  I’m really trying to work with you “scared white people,” I really am.  But at a certain point in life, you have to take inventory of yourself.  Not everything you see and hear about people is true.  Even the cheeto in chief (aka our current realty star president) knows this.  Hence the term his administration loves to overuse, “fake news.” Although in his case most of what we hear about him turns out to be absolutely true.  But that’s a post for another day.

Let’s get back to the task at hand.  I understand having a little concern for the unknown. Dark places, stray animals, emails from strange addresses and yes our fellow humans.  I grew up in the 80’s with McGruff the Crime Dog, so I learned all about stranger danger. But the one thing McGruff never taught us was to be afraid of someone based solely on their skin color.  If you asked the average child today to describe someone that frightens them, I’m pretty sure a stranger’s skin color wouldn’t come up.  Unless of course, they were taught that type of racial bias in the home.  So why is it children are wiser in this regard than most adults?  I work with children for a living, and I notice that they have a tendency of seeing people for exactly who they are.  Race not included.  When they judge you, they judge you on your merits.  Race not included.  When they are leery of someone, it is because of the vibe they get from the person.  RACE NOT INCLUDED.  Children are usually both open and eager to get to know someone who is different than themselves. They ask questions without assuming they know the answer.  Children just see a person much like themselves with zero prejudgments.

So why haven’t adults learned to do this already?  For people who are older and intellectually smarter, we sure lack the intelligence of the average child.  I’m going to take this time to let you in on something you should have already figured out:  NOT ALL BLACK PEOPLE ARE BAD PEOPLE.  That is shocking right?  I know the truth can be most times.  But I feel you really need to know and understand that fact.  Let me be clear here, there are bad people in every race, gender, and country.  Being a bad person is not relegated to a racial thing.  It’s a personality and behavioral thing.  If I went around thinking certain things about certain races, then my belief right now would be that all white people are racist.  And clearly, that is not the case.

I have a suggestion on how to help you “scared white people” in working through your prejudices.  Provided you actually want to get rid of your judgmental nature and possibly make a few new friends.  BE OPEN.  Get to know more about the black people that you encounter in your everyday life.  That sounds like a lofty task, but it can be made easy. You can simply start by saying, “Hello.”  Easy enough right?  Have a real genuine conversation with that co-worker that you see all the time.  Get to know them on a level that’s based on common ground, common interest and a humane level.  You’ll be surprised at how much you’ll have in common with the average black person.  Everyone has that one family member that they don’t like in their family.  You avoid them at all costs at family functions until another relative asked you if you said hi to them.  You can easily bond over that.  Or how you love your kids to death, but could sometimes punt them like a football when they get on your nerves.  You can’t always judge a book by its cover.  You have to pick it up, read the description on the back or inside cover in order to learn what it’s about.  And the same goes for people.  All I’m saying is get to know someone who’s different than you before you judge them.  And for the love of God:  STOP CALLING THE POLICE.

With all love and sincerity,

Nyikia

 

How Are You Running Your Race?

(Disclaimer- I proofread this thing a dozen times and used an online site to help. If you see any mistakes, oh well, I’m only human. Thanks for reading!)
A little over a month ago I was listening to one of my favorite podcast called, “The Read” hosted by Kid Fury and Crissle.  The episode is called, “Cheerleading” and in it, Crissle talks about her history of depression and negative self-talk.  She said something that her therapist told her that made her take a serious look at how she speaks to herself.  And after hearing it, it also made me take a look at how I speak to myself?  Her therapist said to her, “Picture life like a race. And one person is beaten along the path.  Like someone is whipping at their back. Chastising them and telling them all the ways that they suck.  And they’re moving forward trying to be motivated by the negativity.  And the other person has cheerleaders in the distance who are rooting for them and encouraging them to keep going.  And when they fall saying, ‘That’s fine.  You know we all stumble sometimes.  Just get back up, dust your knees off and keep going at it.’  And you can choose how you’re going to talk to yourself through life.  Are you going to beat yourself through it?  Or are you going to cheerlead yourself through it?”  Crissle said as soon as her therapist told her that, she began to change the way that she spoke to herself.

I know for an absolute fact that most times I am not kind to myself.  My words can be harsh, rude, mean and downright disrespectful.  Sometimes so that the things that I say to myself I wouldn’t dare allow anyone to say to me.  So why is it ok that I say those things to myself?  Ideally, I know that it’s not.  But that doesn’t stop me from constantly doing it.  At one point the negative self-talk was loud and often, it became the only self-language I knew.  I have come a long way from the constant beating myself up.  But I still have a tendency of whipping my own back instead of rooting myself on in this race called life.  My problem is I’m often living the past or worried about the future.  Neither of which is mentally healthy for me to do.  One reason is that I can’t seem to forgive or forget my past mistakes.  The second reason is that I’m not presently where I want to be in life, and I worry I’ll never get there.

My negative self-talk appears to come from my own vision of lack and comparison.  Since I don’t have the things that I want, all I see is lack.  Here’s how it usually goes:  “I’m not currently working as a full-time writer because I lack the skills needed in order to achieve that.  I’m single because I lack the beauty it takes to draw someone’s interests.  I’ll never move ahead in life because I made that awful decision five years ago.”  You get the idea.  The comparison comes from looking at what everyone else is doing instead of looking directly at my own path.  I’m watching how everyone else is performing in their race of life and that slows me down.  I get slowed down because I think I should be where they are in life.  Often times I forget the fact that everyone runs at their own pace. So where does the negative self-talk, my vision of lack and compassion get me?  The short answer is:  NOWHERE.  And who the hell wants to stay there?

After hearing Crissle give the race example that her therapist gave her, it really made me want to change my internal dialogue.  I want to cheer myself on the way I would cheer for others.  I’m a fantastic cheerleader for everyone else.  Why shouldn’t I do the same for myself?  Learning to not beat myself up will surely be an everyday struggle.  This isn’t something that will suddenly stop overnight.  I will probably have to work hard each and every day to see the good in myself.  I can do this by learning to ignore those things I don’t see as being “good enough.”  For every discouraging thought that comes across my mind, I will quickly follow it up with something I love about myself.  I will keep my eyes on my own journey and pace, and not worry so much about what others are doing.  And not comparing my speed to theirs.  Knowing that comparison only serves to injure me in my own race.  Daily, I will think of a least three things I like about myself or that I’m good at.  This will serve as the encouragement that I need to hit the finish line. I want to run a strong race, with all the strength that I can muster.  I must learn to not be my biggest adversary.  And become my biggest supporter, encourager and overall best friend.  Because after all I am the one running this race, and this race I fully intend to win.

Who am I?

(Disclaimer- I proofread this thing a dozen times and used an online site to help.  If you see mistakes, oh well, I’m only human.  Thanks.)

Last week I found out that I’m going to have to have surgery.  It’s the kind of surgery that women pray they never have to go through.  Especially if they wanted children.  To hear the news from the doctor was devastating at first.  But not for the reason it would be for a woman my age who is childless.  See, having a child was never really in my life’s plan.  I always said I never wanted children because I didn’t like them.  But as the years went on, I came to find out that that was not true.  After working as a Teacher Assistant (a job I fell into) I had a vivid realization.  I freaking love kids!  Ages 3 to 5 is my favorite group to work with.  But I also find enjoyment in working with older kids as well.  I say all this to say:  Getting pregnant was never on my to-do list.  When I found out where babies came from as a young child, the appeal or desire died that day.  (Insert laughing emoji here)  Seriously though, I thought I would never be a mother.  And honestly, I’m ok with that.  I figured that if the universe wanted me to be a mom, then a child would be sent via adoption.  So to find out that this surgery might possibly remove any chance for me to become a mother biologically, made me feel weird.  Even though as I stated I had no plans for this.  Several questions I never had to think about before popped into my mind as well.  What would I feel like afterward?  How big will the scar be?  Will this completely kill my sex drive?  And most importantly:  Will I feel less like a woman?

The last question really got me to thinking about how I truly viewed myself.  Why have I tied up my womanhood in my reproductive system?  Just because my body can hold life within it, am I not less than because mine may not be able too anymore?  After pondering this, I came to a resounding answer.  Hell no!  Regardless of the outcome of my situation, I will still be who I have always been.  Me.  Yes, this will be a big change. Yes, this will take some adjustment on my part to get used too.  And yes, my mind and body will need time to heal.  But this change is necessary for my well-being and health.

Why do we sometimes began to feel less than ourselves when a sudden change occurs in life?  I’m sure there are people who have worked in a certain field for years and then lost that position.  Now they don’t know who they are if they can’t be that (fill in the blank) they were for 20 years.  There are people who have been in relationships for so long that when it ended, they didn’t recognize themselves anymore.  They have questioned who they were without this person in their life.  Often times when life comes to shake things up, sometimes we start questioning who we are.  I say all this to say, that sometimes we hold onto the idea of who and what we are based on exterior things.  Or even worse, what society dictates what we should be.  Both are destructive behaviors that we must diminish from our lives.  Knowing that I have to have this surgery made me look at myself in a different light.  Which definitely was not healthy for me mentally.  This is a change I that I never actually thought I would have to go through.  But this is happening so I must accept it.  I finally remembered that who I am isn’t wrapped up in my body and what it can and cannot do.  That actualization gave me a sense of freedom.  Freedom in knowing that I’m still the same woman I’ve always been.  If not stronger for actually having to go through this.  And with any other future dramatic life change, I will always remember who I am.  Strong, brave, smart, funny, kind, big-hearted, loyal and a positive thinker.  And truly that’s all that matters.

I Chose Me…..

Recently I was seeing someone that I had grown very fond of.  We seem to hit it off really well from the beginning.  At least from my perspective, we did.  I really, really liked this person a lot.  They were funny, passionate about pursuing their career, driven, kind and positive.  I really enjoyed spending time with them and couldn’t wait to receive a call or text from them.  That…..was in the beginning.  Toward the end of our “situation”, I use the word situation because this person was uncomfortable with the word relationship. That should have been a red flag for me right there, but I digress.  Toward the end, this person’s whole demeanor begin to change from the person that I met in the beginning.  I believe I met their representative and not the real, honest them.  They became more down on a daily basis when I would speak to them.  There were things going on in this person’s life that I knew about and I’m sure a lot that I didn’t.  But I would always try my best to let them know that I was there to listen if they needed an ear.  With their mood becoming more and more down, this made them more irritable.  And I became the lucky recipient of this.  The conversations (and face to face interactions) would usually start off good.  Then seemly out of nowhere, their tone would change because of something I said. And at times, something I DID’T say.  Figure that one out because I never could.  They couldn’t always explain to me what I did (or didn’t do) that would piss them off.  This person did acknowledge the fact that they knew they were the problem.  They told me numerous times that they believed they had a problem communicating with others.  And that I wasn’t my fault. I was a good person.  Here’s where my confusion lies.  In one breath they say that they are the problem and in the next, they are yelling at me that I’m pissed them off again.  Huh?

Have you ever had someone in your life like this?  Unfortunately, this wasn’t my first encounter with someone like this.  That’s why it was so easy for me to recognize this behavior so quickly.  But despite that, I didn’t want to stop seeing this person.  I genuinely like them and I knew (and still know) that they are a genuinely good person.  I began to care about their well-being, their day and them as a whole.  I tried to let them know that I was there to listen to them whenever they needed to talk.  There were romantic feelings for this person, but above all that I was trying to be their friend.  But despite all of that of my efforts, I was still the bad guy.  Still the problem.  This person told me that they felt I wasn’t listening to them.  That’s all I ever did, but they couldn’t see that.  This “situation” ended with both parties yelling at one another.  And with me saying something out of sheer frustration that took me out of my character.  I was quite saddened that this “situation” ended because as I said I had grown really fond of them. But more importantly, I was upset with myself for allowing this person to pull me down to a negative level.  I work too hard on a daily basis to stay positive and see the light.  In hindsight, maybe this should have ended way before it did.  But I gave it time because this was very new and we were still getting to know each other.  And I stated before, I liked them.

When you care about a person, you’re willing to put up with a lot of shit in the hopes that they will change.  You hope that things will change for the better.  And that the person will realize how much you care about them and how their words hurt.  At some point, one has to ask themselves a serious question.  Do I like the way this person treats me more than I like myself?  For me the answer was simple:  HELL NO.  It got to a point with this person (and others I found myself in a similar situation with) that I had to make a choice.  Continue this “situation” that sometimes leaves me drained and feeling bad or bounce?  I chose the latter.  Instead of focusing on the good times, I had to focus on the bad ones.  The reasons that it couldn’t work out the way I wanted.  Their yelling, my hurt feelings, the miscommunications.  The time they called me a jerk for making what I thought was a cute comment.  And their constant pulling me close then pushing me away.  Those things outweighed the good and the strong feelings that I had developed for this person.  So despite my not really wanting it to, it had to end.  I will say that meeting this person wasn’t all bad for me.  They helped me to learn more about myself.  I learned more about my likes and dislikes, what I’ll put up with, what kind of relationship I want to have and how I’ve become a more positive person.  So for those reasons, I can say I am grateful.

If you find yourself in a similar situation with someone (friend, family member or spouse), remember that they don’t have the right to make you feel that their mood is your problem.  It’s a personal problem that they themselves need to work through.  If you know that whatever is going on with them has zero to do with you, do your best not to take their behavior personally.  Don’t allow yourself to be a person’s emotional punching bag.  Now I understand in some circumstances it isn’t always so easy to walk away. In those instances, have a conversation with the person.  Communication is key.  Be clear about what you want, how you feel and why.  This process will take some time. Especially if the person in question isn’t good at letting you know exactly how and why they feel the way they do.  Listen and let them know that you are listening.  Let them know that you do see them.  Most times people just want to feel that they are being heard and that someone cares.  In my case, I was listening and I cared, but I didn’t feel the same from them.  But if it gets to the point where talking it out and giving it time changes nothing…..Bounce.  Choose your happiness.  Choose your positivity.  Choose your well-being.  And most importantly, choose yourself.

Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Oxymoron- (Definition according to Merriam-Webster) a combination of contradictory or incongruous words (such as cruel kindness; broadly: something (such as concept) that is made up of contradictory or incongruous elements.  By definition comfortable being uncomfortable is quite the oxymoron.  How can one be comfortable while also being uncomfortable? Impossible you say?  Wrong.  It’s a very easy experience to have.  Here are three examples:

1.) It’s the middle of the night, you are sleeping in your bed and now you are woken up because you have to use the bathroom.  The bed is too nice and warm to get out of, so you decide to try to sleep it off while your bladder proceeds to kick your insides.  Comfortable being uncomfortable.

2.) You’re flipping through the channels on TV and you clumsily drop the remote on the floor.  Too lazy to pick it up, you start watching a documentary about how the thimble was invented.  Comfortable being uncomfortable.

3.) You’re working a job you can’t stand but the pay is steady.  So you go back day after day, to see people you would rather not, to do work you don’t care about in order to receive a check that doesn’t pay you enough for your efforts.  You do this instead of going back to school to get that degree you want or starting that company or dream job that you can’t stop thinking about.  Comfortable being uncomfortable.

The first two examples were a bit silly (even though everyone is guilty of doing them) but the third one is a doozy.  I’m sure everyone at one time or another has been (or currently is) guilty of something similar to that.  Hell as I write these words, I’m culpable of doing that right now.  For me comfortable being uncomfortable basically means, “I don’t like something in or about my life, but I’m too lazy, unmotivated or doubtful that I can do anything to change it.” Since I held that belief that meant I didn’t do anything….ever.  I stayed the same (comfortable) but in the same situation (uncomfortable.)  It was ridiculous and a complete waste of my precious time on the Earth, but that didn’t stop me from NOT doing it anyway.  I honestly never gave that much thought until about a year or so ago.  I got tired of being uncomfortable more than staying miserably comfortable in my own bullshit.  It came down to me not wanting to continue to live the same crappy life that I had been for so long.  That meant I would have to climb (kicking and screaming at times) out of my comfortable zone.

Now I could sit here and tell you that it was easy for me to do.  That I enjoyed every waking minute of it because I knew that I was improving myself and my life.  And that I was super eager to get started.  (Insert fake smiling face here)  But my friend, that would be bullshit.  And the one thing you won’t get here from me on this blog is bullshit.  So I’m going to keep it all the way real with you…… The shit kind of sucked.  At least in the very beginning when I first got started on this new journey.  There was a lot of starting and stopping over a long period of time before I actually found my steady stride.  The thing that I held onto was that although it hurt now, it would all pay off in the end.  I’ll share a few tips I use to get through this process as unscathed as possible….with minimum bruising.

START SMALL- Trying to change a bunch of things that make you comfortable all at once is a sure fire way to end up quitting. Pick one or two things that you can handle first. And once you have them handled, then you can add another one.

PUSH THROUGH THE RESISTANCE- Your mind will try to psych you out at every given turn, don’t let it.  Despite you trying to improve yourself, it will tell you that there’s no point.  It will tell you that you can’t do this and that you will fail.  As you push through the pain, your mindset will begin to change.  That will help you continue to gain more momentum and progress.

FOCUS ON YOUR WINS- I don’t care how big or small, a win is a win, no matter how short or tall.  (Just went Dr. Seuss on you right there, but you get the point.)  Any improvement you make on your journey is a victory.  And it should be respected and treated as such. Don’t downplay how you have advanced in any situation you have been working toward. And for the love of God, don’t let anyone’s comments to you that aren’t good knock you off your game.  If they can’t get with you and what you’re trying to do, they can get gone without you. Period.
And the most important thing to do……

DON’T GIVE UP- Now that one can be a tricky bastard because when things get tough for anyone the first we want to do is quit.  And to be honest with you, you might quit.  As I said I have started and stopped many a day, but ultimately I didn’t fully quit.  I got back on that damn wild horse and rode again.  Remember why you started the process in the first place.  The work will be hard (I’m not going to sugar coat it for you) but it will be worth it in the end when you get to where you want to be.

So start, push through the pain and stay the course. You can do this.